


Honestly Raeken/Can I Keep You?

by JFoster



Category: teen wolf - Fandom
Genre: Angst, F/M, Feelings, teen wolf angst, teen wolf feels
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-19
Updated: 2016-10-19
Packaged: 2018-08-23 11:39:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8326477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JFoster/pseuds/JFoster
Summary: You've broken up with your shitty boyfriend and decided to spend the night in binge watching Netflix. Theo surprises you. Angst ensues.





	1. I'm Already Broken/Give Me You

**Author's Note:**

> This is a little personal for me to share, but I hope you like it.

WARNING: Angst and fluff mostly, some adult language. It got a little personal and angsty. My apologies.

 

WORD COUT: 2299

**Inspiration:** Lifehouse “ _Learn You Inside Out_ ”

_“In the silence you stare at the world,_

_Your eyes are screaming to be heard…_

_I wanna learn you inside out.”_

 

It had been two weeks since Mitchell left you for Megan, the Theta Kappa Theta sister. You’d only dated for three months and the sex was completely subpar but the mere rejection for someone taller, skinnier and blonde stung like a _bitch_. You always felt like Mitch was out of your league being the short, curvy black girl so you weren’t too surprised when he finally decided to break up with you.       

“It’s not you, (Y/N), it’s me. I just think I’m not the right guy for you and you deserve someone better than me,” he schmoozed. The bullshit rolled off his tongue and you could tell he really thought he was winning you over with it. You rolled your eyes; he wasn’t entirely wrong…you did deserve better than him.

So here you were on a rainy Saturday, the night of the big homecoming football game eating birthday cake Oreos and binging _Lost_ on Netflix. _Not an entirely bad night_ , you thought. You were 10 episodes into the first season when you heard a soft knock at your dorm door. The clock on your wall read 11:14pm.  Brushing the crumbs off of your Princess Tiana tank and shorts set, you answered the door. To your complete and utter surprise, there stood the one and only Theo Raeken, bad boy extraordinaire. He was decked out in a black satin suit, slim ice blue tie, diamond cuff links and matching Italian shoes. His hair was slicked back and he honestly looked like he could be a James Bond villain. Damn, he was magnificent.

“You know, I always wondered what kind of pjs you wore to bed…if any at all,” he purred while devouring you with his eyes. You rolled your eyes.

“What are you doing here, Raeken?”

“I heard you didn’t have a date for the dance tonight and I thought it would be a shame for such a gorgeous girl to go all alone.”

“Seriously…? That’s the best you’ve got?” you snickered. He looked genuinely offended at your rebuff.  Pulling his hands from behind his back, he presented you with a large bouquet of striking tiger lilies. How could he have known your favorite flower? Where did he even get them?

“I heard about Mitchell…he’s an ass. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

He looked so handsome with his head cocked to the side like that. You wouldn’t necessarily consider the two of you friends but you’d be lying if you said you didn’t notice the way he stared at you sometimes. You’d also be lying if you said he never caught you staring back. How could anyone blame you really...he was built like an Adonis. You accepted the flowers and invited him into your room. You were suddenly nervous. Theo Raeken in your bedroom; what could go wrong?

“I appreciate you coming, but I’m fine. We weren’t even that serious.” Placing the lilies on your desk, you made your way back to your comfortable spot on the bed.

“He’s an ass for breaking up with you; and for Megan?? I give it two weeks tops.” You laughed; a small part of you really appreciated his words.

“Did you really come here to make sure I was okay?”

“Yes,” he said with no hesitation.

“Why?”

It was Theo’s turn to look nervous. How the hell did he make looking nervous so beautiful? Your fingers ached to paint the way his long lashes kissed his cheekbones. He paced your tiny dorm room, scratching his neck. This did nothing to ease your rampaging butterflies. He finally settled down at the edge of your bed and looked you in the eyes.

“I like you,” he stated simply. You didn’t know what answer you were expecting him to give but that certainly wasn’t it.

“You— _what_? What? Are you shitting me right now, Raeken?” Who the hell does he think he is? If he thinks he can play with your feelings like this, you’ve got a right hook that says otherwise. You got off the bed and started to stalk away from him. He caught your hand and turned you back to face him. He almost looked forlorn at the idea of you leaving him.

“I like you,” he repeated. You searched his gaze for something malicious; it wouldn’t be the first time a beautiful boy played you a fiddle. It most likely wouldn’t be the last. His eyes were like the sea: deep and tumultuous. You didn’t want to believe his words. Girls who looked like you don’t get to fall in love. You’re too weren’t light skinned, you weren’t skinny. Girls like you don’t get the fairy tale wedding or the happily ever after. Girls like you get used for sex and left behind when wife material comes along. You long ago learned to accept this as fact.

He could see the skepticism in your eyes; the hurt living there seemed permanent. He wanted to punch Mitchell over and over until he felt every ounce of pain you did. He reached up to cup your cheek and the way you flinched away pierced his heart. Who made you this way? You were like a walking “handle with care” sign but it seemed like no one cared enough to see it. You kick puppy enough times and she starts to believe she did something to deserve it.

“I like you,” he said again, more firmly this time, “I think you’re wonderful, funny and wicked smart. I like you.” You wanted to believe him, truly, but you heard this script a _thousand_ times. You’ve done this dance so often you can practically predict what he’s going to say next. You pulled away from him.

“You don’t,” you whispered. You were a shattered tea cup with missing pieces. All the duct tape and super glue in the world couldn’t fix this. There was no such thing as a leap of faith to you; faith was for fools, people will always let you down. Against your instincts, a tiny part of you still clung to hope. A tiny part of you still wanted that fairy tale ending that skinny white girls always seemed to get. You weren’t stupid; you knew everyone had their problems. No-one’s perfect…well, almost no one. Theo seemed to be.

He stood there with so much concern etched all over his handsome face. The hours you could dedicate to simply sketching the splendor of his face would never be enough for you. You reached out to smooth the wrinkles in his forehead with your thumb. His eyes fluttered closed at your soothing touch. Vulnerability was a foreign concept to the both of you. Where you were broken, he was naïve. He didn’t earn his reputation with his heart on his sleeve. He longed to embrace you in his arms but the fear of your rejection weighed heavy on his heart.

The first time he saw you back in high school he was hooked. Your smile was ecstasy. You were laughing at some ridiculous joke Lydia made and the world stopped spinning. All he saw was you. Years and flings have gone by but you were the one who truly captivated him. A simple smile from you lifted his troubles. He found himself seeking girls who looked like you or reminded him of you yet none of them ever seemed to measure up. Maybe he did earn his reputation by wearing his heart on his sleeve after all. Theo Raeken might have been a known as a bad boy and a player but all he truly wanted was to be good enough for you.

He pulled you closer until you could feel your bare toes touching the tips of his shoes. Breathing didn’t seem possible at the moment. Cradling your face gently in his large hands, he placed the gentlest of kisses on your forehead. If you could blush visibly you would be red from head to toe.

“I like you,” he whispered.

“I like you too,” you whispered back. He actually beamed at you. Theo went from James Bond villain to a giant ray of sunshine in no time flat. It was a smile you would later spend days trying to replicate on canvas; always close but never the same. _What do his kisses feel like_ , you wondered. As soon as the thought crossed your mind, you clenched your fists and found your lips pressed against his soft warm ones. He was stunned into shock. Fear froze your heart and you briefly wondered if it really was a prank. He pulled his arms from your face, wrapped them around your waist and melted into you. Perfect.

This was more than a kiss. This was years of unspoken words and unrequited crushes. This was an exploration. This was a kiss of song. A kiss of poetry. He kissed you with such tenderness it made you want to weep. He could feel your heart racing. You kissed him breathless. If breathing meant pulling away from the wonder of your kiss, he would rather die a happy man. Finally.

He could feel you physically holding back; the walls that guarded your heart built a fortress. Sadness pained his heart. Would you ever trust him? Would he ever be worthy of you trusting him? He’d be damned if he didn’t try. Reaching down to your clenched fists, he attempted to loosen them. He would have laughed at your resistance if it weren’t the result of emotional destruction. You didn’t even realize he was trying to hold your hands when you pulled away suddenly. Without thinking, you dropped to your knees and reached for his belt. Startled, he backed away from your outstretched hands.

“What are you doing?” You couldn’t face him once you realized what you were doing. It had become such an ingrained habit for people to demand you please them sexually, you no longer thought about it.

“Isn’t this what you want from me?” you asked in a small voice. Theo didn’t think his heart could break any more. He’d just been proven wrong. Falling to his knees in front of you, he reached out to pull your gaze to his. You refused to meet his eyes. He could see that the light in your soft brown eyes had gone; he could see that you mentally checked out. _How many times have people just used you like this_ , he wondered. He knew the answer would only infuriate him. It’s really no wonder at all you kept to yourself. The rage he felt for Mitchell increased a thousand fold once the full reality of how broken you truly were settled on him. You deserved better. He wanted to be better. He could only kiss your forehead again.

“(Y/N), I don’t want anything from you that you don’t want to willingly give me.” Your head snapped up in complete surprise. This wasn’t a part of the script. Taken aback by his unforeseen words, you could only stare at him. What happens now, you wondered. Unbeknownst to you, that same thought was running through his head.  What happens now? He pulled you up to the bed and sat you down; this was uncharted territory. You stared at him in silence, your mind racing with unspoken words just begging to be said. If telepathy was a power you had, you would absolutely be abusing it right now. Maybe it’s time to take a risk?

“Can I kiss you?” you asked. It was his turn to look surprised. With a cautious smile he nodded earnestly. This time he let you take the lead, give you all the space to give or keep as much has you needed. He was happy to let you have anything you wanted. When you kissed him this time, you didn’t feel the pressuring need to give him what you thought he wanted. You didn’t feel the weight of _s e x_ on your shoulders. You pulled away again expecting to see selfish lust written on his face but all you saw was bliss. Maybe…he was different. A dark voice in your head reminded you that it was dangerous to let yourself hope and the memories of abandonment came crashing down again.

The pain of being used and discarded hit you like an earthquake. Your anxiety spiked and you shoved him away. He didn’t want you. No one ever wants you. How could you be so stupid?! Hugging yourself tightly, you turned your back on him. Hope was a treacherous bitch. Theo wasn’t the least bit surprised when you pushed him away. He understood when you turned your back on him; it hurt but he understood. Standing up, he straightened his tie and smoothed his suit. He called your name softly. You gripped your sides tightly as if your shaking hands were the only thing keeping you together. Why did you let yourself do this? You heard him call out to you but the voices in your head drowned him out. _Worthless. He’ll never want you. Worthless. Who could possibly love you? Worthless._

If you hadn’t been so lost in your own mind, you might have seen the single tear slide down his cheek as he watched you try to hold yourself together. He steered you to the bed and you followed aimlessly. He could have steered you into oncoming traffic and you wouldn’t have noticed. You probably wouldn’t have cared much either. Tucking you in, he kissed your forehead. This simple gesture reverberated through your anxious mind. Maybe he’s different, you wondered again. Grabbing the extra blanked at the foot of your bed he removed his suit jacket and settled into the armchair in the corner of your dorm room. He’d earn your trust somehow. He’d be damned if he didn’t try.


	2. Please Stay/I Won't Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You give Theo a chance. Bonus Lydia Martin!

**WARNING:** Angst and fluff mostly, some adult language. Still angsty. If you’re expecting smut…don’t hold your breath. This is purely a feelios fic. There might be some snuggling in the future!

 

 **Inspiration** : Augustana “ _Say You Want Me_ ”

_“My lifeless shaky hands hold onto love demands,_

_I pray you’d understand, I’m just as scared as you._

_My hopeless hollow eyes, as empty as the night,_

_I drained your blood and tried trading lies for the truth.”_

 

WORD COUNT:  2545

A man’s cologne filled your nostrils when you woke up. You opened your eyes to see Theo slumped in the armchair across from your bed, snoring softly. The sketchpad and pencil you kept by your bed found its way to your fingers; you lost yourself in the angled lines of his face. He looked so serene this way. The simplicities of the dream world made him vulnerable again, untouched by the harsh reality of life. You were so focused on your shading that you didn’t realize he’d been staring at you for the last fifteen minutes. You looked so free like this; a butterfly who’d finally found its wings. He watched you surrender completely to your artistic desire; you were unburdened. It wasn’t until you glanced up to his eyes that you even realized he was awake.      

“Oh! Oh, hi!” You felt your body burn as you blushed furiously. He snorted at your embarrassment.

“Hey…” he replied. You weren’t expecting his voice to be so silky. You climbed out of  bed and realized you most likely looked like a maniac drawing people while they’re sleeping. _Way to be a creep_ , you thought.

Theo didn’t know waking up to you would feel so wonderful. Your curly hair was mussed from sleep and somehow you were covered in graphite smudges. He smiled; this must be what perfect felt like. He watched you fuss and flit around the room and wondered what it would be like to wake up to you every day. A tiny burst of hope took root in his heart. You were mumbling to yourself while whizzing around the room like a hummingbird. He was completely content just watching you.

In the excitement of Theo surprising you last night, you’d completely forgotten you had a group critique today. It was 8: 05 am. You were already late!!

“You know…if you’re going to stay here you could at least help me look for my portfolio pack,” you chastised.      

“You mean the giant folder with handles sitting next to your bed?”

“Yes,” you mentally smacked yourself in the face, “that’s exactly what I’ve just wasted the last 10 minutes looking for.”

“What do you need it for anyway?”

 “I’ve got a group art critique that’s mandatory attendance and I’m already 15 minutes late. Fuck! Where are my pants??” Racing to get ready, you wrestled your unruly fro into a messy bun while attempting to locate your jeans. Apparently…last night’s preparation was all for naught. Theo got up and plucked your jeans from the hanger on your closet door.  A huge sigh of relief left your nervous body. Changing into your jeans and slicking on some eyeliner, you determined this was as ready as you were ever going to be.

“You should leave your hair down,” he mused.

“Theo…we live in Florida…I leave my hair down and I’ll be rocking the crown of the frizz people. I don’t think so. Now, if you don’t mind, I’d like to get to my critique with at least some semblance of dignity.” He handed you your portfolio pack and the backpack you hadn’t even realized you were missing.

“How did you even get ready without me?” he laughed at your absentmindedness.

“Well, everything is a lot easier without your hotness to distract me,” you sassed back.

“You think I’m hot?” That arrogant air was back in full force.

“Raeken, I’m sure there are blind people who think you’re hot. In fact, there are lesbians who think you’re hot. The gods themselves would falter in your ethereal presence.” He snorted with laughter at your heavy handed sarcasm. It wasn’t every day that someone could out-sass him. He finally noticed your hand on the doorknob and his chest tightened as he realized you were leaving him. _Get a grip_ , he thought to himself, _she isn’t yours_. You gathered your confidence and walked into the hallway; logic told you that no one cared you were late to class but your anxiety led you to believe all eyes were on you. It seemed like it was going to be one of those days again. You turned back to the still half asleep yet breathtakingly beautiful boy standing in your doorway.

“You could stay here if you like, but I really must get to the critique.” He cocked his head to the side and considered your offer. The urge to kiss him goodbye flared up, startling you.

 “You know, that chair wasn’t all that comfortable and I’m really not up to driving back to my place. I think I’ll just crash for a while longer.” You shrugged your acceptance and closed the door behind you. It might have just been your imagination but you could have sworn he looked unhappy watching you leave. Shaking it off, you left for your critique. You counted your blessings that your dorm was a 5 minute walk away from the art building and the coffee shop. Here’s hoping no one noticed you showing up 20 minutes late with Starbucks.

Logic won out over your anxiety as you walked through the gallery doors clutching your iced green tea. Turns out, you weren’t the only one who showed up late. A few professors, half the freshman and sophomore and a few junior art students were stumbling in, still mostly drunk from last night’s homecoming antics. You could hardly pay attention to the senior art show; disbelief buzzed through your body as you fully realized that you spent the night with Theo Raeken. Of course, he slept in the arm chair and you passed out after an anxiety attack but there was no need to get technical. Waking up to Theo felt wonderful. Knowing he liked you? That felt even better.

The critique went by much faster than you originally thought. It seemed that last night’s homecoming had taken its toll on everyone. An hour and a half later you were walking back to your dorm, anticipation building in your chest. Would he still be there? Would he still want to see you? Did he truly mean what he said last night? You ground your teeth and forced your anxiety to shut the hell up. Turning the key in the lock, you twisted the knob gently in the off chance he was still sleeping. He was. The sight that greeted you was more than beauty.

While you were gone, Theo made himself comfortable. As decadent as the suit might have looked, it wasn’t very comfortable to sleep in. He stripped down to his skivvies and climbed into your bed. The comfort level of your tiny dorm mattress wasn’t anticipated. He fell deeply asleep so easily he didn’t even stir when you walked in.

You didn’t know such peace was possible to achieve with another person in your bedroom. Gathering your confidence, you set your stuff down and stripped. There wasn’t much room in the extra-long twin bed but you were determined to make do. Climbing carefully into the bed, you settled against his pleasantly warm body. He didn’t wake, much to your relief. Curling up against him, sleep claimed you easily as well.

Theo woke up to your soft curly hair tickling his nose. He’d shifted during sleep and somehow ended up spooning you. You felt so soft against him. He pulled you closer and you made a little noise of contentment that filled his heart with hope for a future for the both of you. His stomach rumbled and he realized neither one of you had eaten. Slowly entangling himself from you, he got dressed and scribbled a note telling you he’d be right back with food. He couldn’t have known the breeze from the door would blow the note under your bed. He couldn’t have known you’d wake up minutes after he left.

The bed felt desolate and cold when you came to. You hadn’t fully realized Theo left until you opened your eyes to an empty room. Panic erupted in your chest. _Worthless. Even Theo Raeken doesn’t want you. Worthless. He couldn’t even bear to have you next to him. Worthless. No one wants you. Ugly. No one loves you. Fat._ _You’re worthless_. An endless loop echoed in your mind as you clutched your knees to your chest. Hot tears burned your cheeks. How could you be so foolish! Another wall built itself around your heart’s fortress. Unbeknownst to you, Theo had just turned down your hallway with your favorite blueberry muffins and French vanilla coffee in hand. The fifteen minutes it took for him to walk to the campus coffee shot was an eternity to your damaged psyche.

He finally made it to your door when he heard soft weeping from inside your room. It was his turn to panic. He should have known not to leave you when you were sleeping. _Fuck_. The realization that you believed he just used and left you should have crippled him. He nearly broke the doorknob rushing into your room. You head snapped up in complete surprise to see Theo standing there with food and coffee. Theo’s heart wrenched to see the tears he was responsible for running down your cheeks.

“(Y/N)! I’m so sorry! I went to get food. Did you get my note? I figured you’d be hungry, I swear I wouldn’t have gone if I thought you’d wake up.” Fumbling to explain himself, he felt like a complete asshole.

“Your…note? What note?” He searched frantically around the room. A yellow sliver of paper under your bed caught the corner of his eye. _Oh no_. He reached down under your bed and his fingers closed around the note he so foolishly didn’t secure. With shaky fingers you grasped the puke yellow paper.

“ _Y/N_ ,” it read, “ _I’ve gone out to snag us some breakfast. I could hear your tummy rumbling in your sleep. If you wake up before I get back, I’ll be gone only fifteen minutes. Twenty tops. P.S. don’t worry. I’ll get your favorites! Signed, Theo_.” Your demons had gotten the best of you again. Logically you knew there was no real reason to cry but the memories of being left over and over weighed heavily on your heart. You met Theo’s eyes. He was just as scared as you were. Maybe hope was for fools. Maybe whatever this is between the two of you should die right now. Maybe you shouldn’t try at all. Maybe you’ll look back and regret this moment. Maybe you were tired of giving up on everything before you tried. You wiped the tears from your eyes.

“Is that…blueberry muffins and French vanilla coffee I smell?” He chuckled lightly and the tension between the two of you shattered immediately.

“Yeah! I figured I’d surprise you with your favorite breakfast. They didn’t have your tea; I had to make do with coffee.” You gave him your best smile as he handed you the bag full of muffins. He planted a soft kiss on your forehead and your body warmed. You could definitely get used to those. He placed the coffee on your nightstand and sat down next you on the bed. Grabbing the television remote, you turned flipped to the Apple TV output and turned on Netflix.

“So, have you ever seen Lost?” you asked as you clicked play on the remote.

“Is that the show where the plane crashed on an island but it turned out that everyone was already dead?” He asked quizzically. You laughed at his response.

“Why don’t you watch it with me and find out?” He popped a bit of muffin into his mouth and nodded. The afternoon passed without incident. You’d already made it most of the way through the first season when you both realized it was 9 pm and neither of you had eaten lunch or dinner. Your stomach grouched loudly in protest and Theo snorted.

“As much as I would love to sit here and binge watch Lost with you, I’m pretty sure we both need food to keep functioning properly.”

“Well…you’re not entirely wrong there, Raeken.”

“Tell you what…why don’t we make this a date?” He felt you freeze in panic beside him. Dammit. Was it too soon after this morning? He noticed your clenched fists and worried you’d reject him. Taking a deep breath, you steadied yourself.

“Sure, that sounds like fun!” you cheerily replied. He looked at you with a completely dumbfounded expression on his face. Did you just…agree to go out with him? The look on his face set your heart racing in a bad way. Would he take back his invitation? Is this all just some elaborate scheme to get you into bed? Is this a mistake? He cleared his throat; the sound startled you out of your anxious stupor. With a brilliant grin, he kissed your forehead again and hopped off the bed 

“Well, if you don’t mind, I’d like to go home to shower and change. I’ll be back in about half an hour if traffic is on my side. That sound good to you?” He cocked his head to the side in that adorable way again. You pushed your fear aside and gave him a sarcastic smirk.

“Raeken…you know damn well these eyebrows take no less than fifteen minutes each for maximum fleek. And unless you drive like a speed demon, there’s no way you’ll be back in just half an hour. I’ve been to your house buddy; it takes twenty minutes just to get there.” He laughed at your sass. This was a side of you he was quickly growing to adore.

“You’re totally right, (Y/L/N), I don’t know what I was thinking. How could I forget about ‘maximum fleek’? In that case, I’ll be back in an hour. Dress for fancy?” You nodded at his request and ushered him out the door. Holy shit. You’re going on a date with Theo Raeken! You grabbed your cellphone from your previously discarded bag and hit the speed dial. Your best friend answered on the first ring.

“Lydia Marie fucking Martin, you will never guess what just happened to me,” you squealed. Containing your excitement was not on your mind right now.

“You finally decided to stop dying your hair that awful brown color?” she teased.

“Fuck off, I love this shade!”

“I don’t know why. Your natural red is way prettier. Either way, you’re right. I’ll never guess.”

“I’m going on a date with Theo Raeken.” You were met with stunned silence. For a moment you feared the call dropped until she spoke again. 

“Holy shit…I never would have guessed those words would ever leave your mouth. I can’t say I’m too surprised. You two have been eye fucking each other since high school.” You laughed at her surprise. A tiny part of you worried that she didn’t think you were good enough for him. Pushing that evil thought aside, you sifted through your closet for something “fancy”. Coming up empty you sighed heavily into the phone. 

“What the hell am I going to wear? Lydia! I don’t own anything ‘fancy’. What the hell does that even mean??? This is a best friend emergency!”

“I’ll be there in 3 minutes.” The phone went dead and your heart pounded. Theo Raeken! You were going on a date with Theo Raeken!


End file.
